DeWese--Birthday Wishes, Hopes and Dreams

On the last day of June, I attended an out-of-town cocktail reception and dinner with about 20 printing company owners. June 30th was my 57th birthday, and the printers presented me a birthday cake, an XXL baseball warm-up jacket and a baseball cap.

Of course, they asked me if I'd made a wish before I blew out the candles. One printer guessed that I had wished for about six more printing industry consolidators, since I'm in the investment banking business of representing the sellers of printing companies. More consolidators would mean more competition for the companies that I represent. That would have been a selfish wish.

Frankly, my wish was simple. I've had the same wish for every birthday candle I've extinguished since age 50. It was: "I damnsure hope I can blow out all these candles with all these people watching."

What a mundane wish; how trivial can I be? Imagine being worried about my ability to extinguish a few candles? The printers had been kind enough to instruct the baker to adorn the cake with about five candles rather than 57. Fifty-seven candles would have been an impossible chore. Five candles were easy.

Wishes for the Industry . . .

As Well as Mankind

If I was any kind of classy guy, I would have prepared 57 wishes for the betterment of the printing industry, the lives of printing salespeople and maybe a few for the deliverance of mankind.

Now that I've had time to think about it, here are my 57 wishes.

1. I wish this Y2K thing is a hoax and that nothing bad happens at the stroke of midnight on December 31, 1999.

2. I wish that when that Year 2000 bell tolls, nations embrace nations, lovers embrace lovers and the unloved find love.

3. I wish that everyone who derives an income from the sale and production of printing adopts the concept of treating others as well as they expect to be treated.

4. I wish that everyone who practices this concept will enjoy a golden new century.

5. I hope that every printing company learns that cost leadership, not price leadership, is the pathway to prosperity.

6. I dream that printers learn that, although price leadership is not a bad thing, they must serve customers' needs every minute of every day, if they expect to be price leaders.

7. I pray that all children are loved, fed, housed, clothed and educated.

8. I wish the president would take a cold shower.

9. I beg that James Carville take a professorship at Baton Rouge State Teachers College and never appear on TV again.

10. I wish that O.J.'s tireless detective efforts to find the "real killer" result in finding the "real killer" and that he confesses to his horrible crime.

11. I hope this whole Internet craze and e-commerce result in more new printing.

12. I hope that no hotel or airplane is ever again over-booked.

13. I wish that all parents stop avoiding their teenagers and become active friends of these young adults.

14. I plead to all young men to understand that "machismo" has nothing to do with the flatness of your belly, but with your willingness to accept responsibility and be a "stand-up" man of your word.

15. I urge all young women to first seek stand-up men and worry about flat bellies last.

16. I wish I had a flat belly.

17. I wish that everyone suffering from depression will be cured.

18. I hope that the insecure become secure.

19. I pray that every man and woman accept the responsibility of their own happiness.

20. I wish we could find some constructive use for Japanese beetles, kudzu and weeds.

21. I hope that everyone learns that moderation is a good thing about 30 years earlier than I did.

22. I wish that every owner learns that great printing companies are the products of great people.

23. I hope that every owner learns how to work with, rather than manage, great people.

24. I want every print salesperson to learn that it is vital to "know" your customer. That he or she, who controls the information, controls.

25. I wish that every print salesperson learn that wealth is derived from satisfying a customer. It is not derived from making a sale.

26. I hope that James Carville (after failing as professor) and Alan Dershowitz, Esquire, join a monastery that requires a vow of silence.

27. I wish I could learn to operate the remote controls for my big screen TV and surround-sound system.

28. I wish I had the time to return every phone call within 30 minutes.

29. I wish I had time to answer all my e-mail.

30. I wish that my voice mail messages and e-mail messages were briefer.

31. I wish that Attila the Editor would become kind and gentle.

32. I wish that Attila the Editor would finally recognize my talent and nominate me for one of those Pullet Surprises. [Editor's note: He means Pulitzer Prize, and there is no chance]. I hear the winners get a big check.

33. I hope I wake up on January 1, 2000, to find that my new suit size is 44 tall.

A Wish for Print Salesmen

34. I wish that every print salesperson recognizes every buying signal and remembers to ask for the order.

35. I hope that every print salesperson learns how to write great sales letters and learns when to use written communications.

36. I pray that every print salesperson learns the difference between features and benefits.

37. I wish that all print salespeople learn to ask good, indirect questions and then listen.

38. I hope that talkative salespeople find other employment or join Carville and Dershowitz at the monastery.

39. I wish that "officious" and "pretentious" become obsolete words.

40. I beg that we learn to respect the sanctity of infants and elders.

41. I wish that people would stop asking me if I golf.

42. I wish that people would learn to respect those of us who are golf impaired.

43. I hope that I can think up 16 more wishes.

44. I hope that I get more and more direct mail and catalogs. (I am sincere.) More stuff in the mail means that more printing is being produced.

45. I hope that the word "junk" stops being associated with "mail."

46. I pray the 21st century experiences no wars.

47. I pray the 21st century experiences nary an O.J. kind of crime.

48. I implore all drug dealers to retire and seek a career in road repair.

49. I wish that all printing company owners would find a way to prudently "share the wealth" with those who perform.

50. I pray that early in the 21st century, we find a cure for cancer and a multitude of other debilitating diseases.

51. I hope that the United States and the world economies enjoy 100 years of prosperity.

52. I wish that all my columns be meaningful and substantive.

53. I hope that I become a little less mañana and a little more man.

54. I wish that print salespeople would stop procrastinating.

55. I hope that print salespeople become less reactive and more proactive.

56. I wish that every printing company enjoys great sales management.

57. Finally, I wish that every salesperson reading this gets out there and sells something!

—Harris DeWese

About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of "Now Get Out There and Sell Something!" published by Nonpareil Books. DeWese is a principal at Compass Capital Partners Ltd. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies. He is one of the authors of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry merger and acquisition activity.