DeWese--Lessons for the Second Millennium
Scores of articles, essays and columns have already been written about the new millennium, the old millennium and the evil-dreaded Y2K catastrophe. You are a reader of this column, and that means you are one erudite dude or dudette, as the case may be. Surveys have proven that the Mañana Man's readers are more enlightened than the readers of, say, George Will, Garrison Keillor or Andy Rooney.
No writer, however, has devoted so much as a sentence to the people, the events or the historic implications of selling in the years ranging from 1000 to 1999. It's as if our selling profession didn't exist for a thousand years.
Moreover, we know that nothing much would have happened if somebody hadn't gotten out there and sold something! Of course, with no ink devoted to selling, there's been nothing written specific to our beloved print sales.
Well, you've guessed it by now. I'm devoting this entire column to sales in the second millennium. I'm going to drag you kickin' and screamin' through a thousand years. When you've finished, I know you will say, "It was worth it. Our forebears in sales have taught us many lessons."
Selling a Religion
We have to start a few years prior to 1000 when, in 987, Vladimir of Russia (back then lots of folks had no last name), the czar, decided the Russians should have a religion. He sent envoys to other countries to study Judaism, Islam and Roman Catholicism. Back then, sending envoys was a big, troublesome deal. There were no Ritz-Carltons and no first-class seats on the camel caravans. Envoys sent to study something could kiss 10 to 20 years goodbye.
Well anyway, Vladimir's envoys returned to say that Judaism was no good because there were too many rules. Islam wouldn't work either because there was no drinking allowed. Vladimir damnsure wasn't giving up his Absolut.
Finally, Vladimir learned that the Pope had called him a lyin', cheatin' sot. So Vladimir invented his own religion and named it Russian Orthodox. He proceeded to sell the religion to his people, enabling him to wet his greedy beak freely in the congregations' tithe offerings.
Now that was selling.
Lesson #1: Vladimir taught us that when you've got no product, make one up.
About this same time, Abu Mansur al-Muwwaffaq wrote a book titled, "Liber fundamentorum pharmacologiae" (that's Latin for "A Book on Drugs"), which classified 600 cures that he'd gathered on trips to Persia and India. The book even contained an elementary discussion of pharmacological theory, and the guys in the FDA were too dumb to challenge him. Unfortunately, there were only 17 ailments that had been discovered, so the book didn't sell very well.
Book Sales Were Slow, There Was No Printing
There was no printing yet. Every book had to be handwritten, so the slow sales didn't matter much. Abu, however, noticed that one cure—the root of something called Locoweed—gained immediate acceptance and enormous popularity. Abu sold tons of the stuff and zoomed to No. 11 on the "Forbes 400" Richest List. Once, while on a locoweed trip, Abu hallucinated on becoming even more wealthy by starting a business called drugs.com and doing an IPO.
Lesson #2: Abu taught us that customers want to feel good. Make 'em feel good, and they'll keep coming back.
In 999, Abu and Vladimir heard a report from Eric the Red (who just returned from discovering North America) that all hell was going to break loose at year-end due to a thing called Y1K. It turned out that Eric had attended a locoweed party at some strip joint with some guys from Houston and Seattle who had scared the bejeebers out of him with horror stories about the end of the millennium. Eric feared he would lose his deed and title to all of North America. Abu and Vladimir summoned Eric and, when they heard his story, determined that Y1K was not a problem but an opportunity.
The three conspired to sell the scary story to the people in their respective domains. Abu could sell more weed to his frightened masses. Vladimir could extract more money from his scared-as-hell parishioners. And, Eric could sell half-acre lots in North America, since all of Scandinavia was "going to sink into the North Sea at the stroke of midnight on December 31, 999."
Lesson #3: These events, naturally, taught us sales types that selling is problem-solving. If the customer has no problem, create one and then solve it.
On January 1, 1000, the trio awoke happy men with cotton-mouth hangovers. Their new millennium party had broken up at dawn, and their high-roller penthouse suite was still full of slumbering, beautiful, slave women imported from France for the occasion. They had succeeded in bilking their people, and nothing bad had happened—no earthquake, no volcanoes, no locust and no plague. And, all of Scandinavia was still firmly attached to Europe.
Lesson #4: This taught us that it's not a sale until you cash the check. And there's no better feeling than cashing the check.
Moving ahead to 1086, William I sent agents to compile the "Domesday Book," an inventory of all the land in England. The book recorded the owners and value of all the land, so that taxes could be levied and collected by William I.
It seems he was envious of the wealth and Forbes rankings of Abu, Eric and Vladimir.
Lesson #5: This taught us that in sales, he or she who controls the information controls.
For our Lesson #6, we skip ahead four hundred years to 1454. (This is the part that relates to printing.) It seems that a printed Bible appears in Mainz. At the time, it was credited to Johann Gutenberg. Since then, however, some questions have arisen, and some historians credit this first printed Bible to Peter Schoffer, while others credit Johann Fust.
Gutenberg Sells First Press
Well, wouldn't you know that old Johann Gutenberg got himself a good patent attorney, and "Joe" proceeded to quietly and gracefully spread the word that he had invented movable type. Fust and Schoffer never had a chance. To this day, have you ever heard of a Fust or a Schoffer amounting to anything?
Gutenberg, on the other hand, was just named "Man of the Millennium" by Time. He was cited as having invented the technology that most changed mankind during the past thousand years. (And you thought it should have been Bill Gates.)
If the customer has no problem, create one and then solve it.
Gutenberg told his third wife, Arvida, "This printing business will be great. I can sell the presses for millions, and I'm telling the customers they require four-man crews. I'm making money and creating jobs!"
But, Gutenberg didn't make the real money in printing. It was William Caxton. In 1474, he published the first book printed in the English language. It was something about the history of Troy. It sold like hotcakes. Caxton, onto something good, continued to write, translate and print popular and literary books. He published and printed Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" (that contained some pretty racy stuff) in 1477.
Caxton's use of the new printing technology makes him a wealthy man, as the English upper class flock to buy literary works printed in their own language.
Lesson #6: This taught us that printing is merely a means to an end. Help your customers create customers, and you will always have customers.
Now that wasn't so bad. You learned some history, and were reminded of some valuable sales lessons.
On another note: Behave yourselves on New Year's Eve. I don't want any of you calling me to bail you out. Hangovers will be no excuse. You will have a weekend to recover. I want you out there selling something on January 3, 2000!
—Harris DeWese
About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of "Now Get Out There and Sell Something!" published by Nonpareil Books. DeWese is a principal at Compass Capital Partners Ltd. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies. He is one of the authors of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry merger and acquisition activity.
