DeWese--Time for Some Self-analysis

I don't know about you, but the Gallup people have never, never, never called me for my thoughts on any national issue.

I have never been polled by anybody. Not "CNN," Time, Newsweek, USA Today—nary any national media pollster or political party pollster has called me.

Hey, I'm in the phone book. I've even got an e-mail address.

I file and pay my taxes every year. I'm a registered Republican voter. I've got credit cards, and all the catalogers have my name and address. I'm not hidin'! The pollsters can damnsure find me!

No one has asked me to rate the president's performance or that of my residential garbage service. However, I am asked, from time to time, to rate the performance of a printing company president. Frequently, Wall Street analysts call me to get my opinion on the performance of some of the publicly traded printing companies. Sometimes I'm asked to rate the performance of printing salespeople. But, I've never been asked to rate the performance of any president, much less the guy who is presently in office.

So, I wonder, when Gallup does their polls, who do they call?

I've got a few things to say. I've got a nephew who's an officer on an atomic submarine. He tells me that the taxes I paid in 1998 were enough to pay for four of their special, high-tech torpedoes. Not four multimillion-dollar atomic missiles; I'm only talkin' torpedoes. But, I insist that four torpedoes entitle me to a little input into at least one teensy-weensy poll.

Speaking of surveys, I wonder how many of you have asked your customers and prospects for their opinions on your relationship lately? Have you asked them how you, the salesperson, can do better? What can your company do to improve? What do they like about your competitors? You can do this formally through a mailing or you can do it face-to-face.

When you are face-to-face, you might ask, "Mary, do me favor. I'm curious. How do I stack up against the other salespeople who call on you? How can I improve?" Then ask, "While we're on the subject of improvement, how can my company improve?"

Now, you may get some darn good suggestions for improvement. Like your customer might say, "Bill, it would help if you would take the earring out of your nose and try to hide those tattoos with, maybe, a long sleeved dress shirt instead of that sleeveless T-shirt. And please stop parking your Harley in the handicapped space. Oh, and your company could be more timely with my press OKs. I really don't have time to sit in your lobby for three hours while the pressroom does makeready and comes up to color."

I surveyed myself during that "reflective" time between Christmas and New Year's. I decided that I could do a much better job in 1999 than I had done in 1998. I had a great—no, obscenely great—1998 and, since I am more mortal than anybody I know, I have a tendency to get just a wee might cocky. After I made this commitment, I went to my co-workers and publicly announced, "I'm going to do better in 1999!" It helps me to put myself on the spot.

So, just in case you didn't survey yourself, I've contrived a survey for you to complete right here in this column. And here is what I want you to do:

Photocopy the survey.

Complete the survey.

Photocopy the completed survey two more times.

Give one copy of the completed survey to your boss.

Mail the other copy with your name and address to: The Mañana Man

I'm going to compile all the surveys anonymously and provide everyone with a report in an upcoming column. But, more importantly, everyone who sends me a survey will receive the magical, mystical, Mañana Man desk stone that is renowned for growing companies' print sales by 50 percent, 100 percent, even 150 percent, in one year.

It has brought fame and great wealth to the few previous recipients of this mysteriously powerful paper weight. (Oh, but one small detail: You do have to rub it every day precisely at 7 a.m. when you start working and at 7 p.m. when you finish working.)

Once you've completed the survey, photocopy it and mail it to me. And, 'er, I'd forget about giving a copy to your boss. Also, promise yourself that you won't waste any more time in '99 on surveys unless, of course, you get lucky and the Gallup people call you.

Now, you know what to do: Put on your top hat, grab your cane, come on get happy—and get out there and sell something!

—Harris DeWese

About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something! published by Nonpareil Books. DeWese is a principal at Compass Capital Partners Ltd. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies. He is one of the authors of the annual Compass Report, the definitive source of information regarding printing industry merger and acquisition activity.

The Mañana Man's Self Survey for Salespeople

1. I will grow or drop (circle one) my sales by ____ percent for 1999.

2. I will prospect hard and develop _____ new accounts during 1999.

3. I will find the files on _____ former or lost accounts and call on them to reactivate their business during 1999.

4. I will take my CSR to lunch and thank him/her at least ____ times during 1999.

5. I will take overt action to thank the plant manager, press department, prepress, bindery and shipping departments at least ____ times during 1999.

6. I will attend at least _____ NAPL, PIA, GATF or Graphic Arts Sales Foundation seminars/worshops during 1999.

7. I will read at least _____ books on sales improvement during 1999. (Note: The NAPL and PIA resource centers have some great books on sales.)

8. Our owner/CEO is (circle one):
a) A great manager and a role model for everyone.
b) A well-intended person who could stand a little management training.
c) A good person, but doesn't have a clue about running a printing company.
d) An ego-driven idiot who is just this side of Attila the Hun.

9. Our company (circle one or more) is:
a) Well-poised to move into the new millennium, and will survive and prosper.
b) So-so and we may or may not make it.
c) Has been sold to one of the industry consolidators and everything is (circle one):
  1. Great.  
  2. Nothing has changed.
  3. Horrible.
  4. We haven't been sold, but should be immediately. (Remember, this survey is anonymous and you will never be quoted.)

10. Circle one:
a) I am proud to work at my company and unless something changes, I will never leave.
b) This print sales thing is just a job, and I need a paycheck.
c) I dropped out of med school (or something else) and I really, really need this draw check every week.
d) I'd love to leave this place and take my accounts with me.