Digging Into the Mailbag --DeWese

I have just returned from the NAPL Top Management Conference held at the PGA National Resort in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. The weather was cold, windy and wet, and I caught cold. None of the golfers caught cold. I stayed indoors—but I caught cold. That's just part one of my bad mood.

Part two of my black temper is the practice of some conference speakers who generalize about the printing industry. You cannot generalize about this industry.

What applies to the business conditions or microeconomics of a half-size sheetfed general commercial printer does not apply to a long run, heatset web publications printer, or to a flexo label printer, or to a folding carton printer and so on. These segments are very different and can experience very different reactions, for example, to the same national economic conditions. Someday I'll write a book about the differences among printing segments and then leave it unpublished, since it probably wouldn't get read anyway.

The part three contributor to my gloomy disposition is that I am convinced someone has stolen my identity. I can't find my AARP card or my membership card for the Wayne, PA, Italian American Club, known to members as "The IAC." I can understand why some ne'er do well would want to be me.

Songs and Sandwiches

He can pass himself off as the Mañana Man at singles' karaoke bars for senior citizens or chow down on the meatball sandwiches at The IAC. I'm not Italian and only got the membership on a special dispensation because I took Italian in school and they needed more dues-paying members at $15 per year. The IAC card is one of those special coded cards that opens the front door, so now I have to sneak in the back through the kitchen.

I'm worried this impostor is going to break into the Printing Impressions Website, www.piworld.com, or maybe break the code for the PI master server and steal my columns. Or, maybe worse, once he's in the system, he might start submitting columns.

Attila the Editor hardly edits my columns before they are published, so "Mr. I Wannabe the Mañana Man" could actually win that Pulitzer Prize I have long coveted. Hey, buddy, I know you are out there and what you are up to. Why don't you just get your own life and mail my ID cards back to me?

Now, I guess you can understand why I'm in this deep funk. It's hard enough to write this stuff when I'm in a good mood.

There are some easy copouts for depressed and sick columnists. One is the old "10 Steps to Success—Grade Yourself" column. Another is to answer reader mail. I guess I'll just reach in the old mailbag and answer some reader letters. This is a big part of my column writing job, helping ailing print salespeople.

This first letter is from Covey Hartnett, sales associate for Pure D Printing Co., of Gallipolis, WV. Boy, it looks like this guy is hurting.

He writes: "Mañana Man, I am failing miserably at print sales. Customers and prospects won't see me to hear my pitch. No one will even take my phone calls. I wouldn't have a job except that my daddy, Mr. J.B. Hartnett, owns the company. What can I do to make people like me and buy printing from me?"

Dear Covey, I see that Gallipolis actually exists. I looked it up on the Internet. I see that you also exist. Thanks for sending the photo of you standing in front of your 1984 Plymouth K car. You don't see many of those still running. But maybe the chickens in the back seat mean that it isn't running.

You are wearing what appears to be a yellow leisure suit in the photograph. Where on earth did you find it? Leisure suits were popular back in the '70s.

Clean Up Your Act

Let's start with your appearance. I'm all for print salespeople having the right to express their individuality, but your fingernails appear to be about 6˝ long. It must have taken years to grow those claws. Next, I am concerned that your modified Mohawk haircut may be a turnoff to some of your prospects.

Covey, print buyers want salespeople who inspire confidence and who appear to be more mainstream. I know that we live in an era where every day is casual Friday, but I would encourage you to cut the fingernails, buy a nice blue blazer, some gray slacks, a few white dress shirts, some ties and a pair of black tassel loafers. Shave your head bald until it grows back evenly, and then keep it short and clean.

Next, I want you to practice listening to everyone, including print buyers. Teach yourself to ask questions about prospects' printing needs and then listen intently. You should also sprinkle in some questions about the individuals, like "When did you first become a print buyer?" or "What made you decide to work for this company?" Focus on the other person and you will soon find that people like you more.

Your new appearance will also make them more comfortable with you. I know that I'm asking a lot, but I can assure you that your daddy, Mr. J.B., will be a lot more comfortable with your continued employment. And I'm betting you may start bringing in some jobs.

Sunshine State Stupidity

The next letter is from SuSu Stuart, of Ocala, FL. Susu is vice president of sales for Sunshine State Litho, an all-sheetfed operation.

Susu writes: "Dear Mañana Man, Printing customers are sooo stupid! The only people more stupid are my three idiot salespeople. The customers and salespeople are ruining my perfect career. Our owner and the plant people are dim-witted dolts. I can't take it any more. Can you get me a job at a better company in a bigger market, like maybe New York, where the people aren't so stupid?"

Dear Susu, Lots of readers write me asking for help to find new employment. Frequently, these people aren't really dissatisfied with their present employment; they are actually dissatisfied with themselves. Somehow your critical tone tells me that you may be suffering from a little self-esteem problem.

I think you need to reexamine your relationships with your customers, salespeople and co-workers. Take the time to really get to know them. Make damn certain you are communicating with them openly and without rancor. They may perceive you as officious or pretentious and condescending.

If, after this reexamination, you still believe that everyone around you is stupid, then you simply can't work with people and you need to find some solitary line of work, like maybe lighthouse tender.

Gee, I'm still worried about this identity thief.

Got time for one more letter. This one looks kinda official. Let's see what it says. It's from the Worldwide Directory of Famous People. It says, "Dear Mr. DeWese, You have been selected as a featured personality in our 2002 Directory of Famous People. We just need a little more information about you. Please fill out the attached questionnaire and return it immediately to our fax number.

Let's see? They want my birth date, birthplace, social security number and mother's maiden name. Looks okay to me.

You guys get out there and sell something. I've got to complete this important form and fax it back immediately.

—Harris DeWese

About the Author

Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something!, published by Nonpareil Books. He is a principal at Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry M&A activity. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies.