If Sales Reps Were Marines --DeWese

THIS IS the first column in my 25th year of column-writing for Printing Impressions. It’s number 268 and, when it’s finished, I will have written about 335,000 words as a columnist for the magazine. This one started about 30 days ago, when “Sarge,” one of my editors at PI, found a way to call me about every other day to subtly (or not so subtly) remind me that my deadline for this issue was November 10, which, by the way, happens to be the birthday of this former Marine’s beloved Corps.

Can I hear a “Semper Fi?” (Oh, and never say “ex-marine;” it’s some kind of taboo. They can get a little nuts and whomp you bad, if you don’t follow their protocols.)

Sarge fired Expert with the M16 rifle and shot a 50-caliber machine gun from a helicopter. So, needless to say, when Sarge “hints” about something, I do my damndest to accommodate that wish.

In honor of the Marine Corps’ 233rd birthday, here’s a little history lesson for you—especially when you call on your next former Marine print buyer. I googled “U.S. Marine Corps” and got the following:

“The United States Marine Corps traces its institutional roots to the Continental Marines of the American Revolutionary War, formed at Tun Tavern in Philadelphia, by a resolution of the Second Continental Congress on November 10, 1775, to raise two battalions of Marines. That date is regarded and celebrated as the Marine Corps’ ‘birthday.’

At the end of the American Revolution, both the Continental Navy and Continental Marines were disbanded in April 1783. The institution itself would not be resurrected until 1798. In that year, in preparation for the Naval War with France, Congress created the United States Navy and Marine Corps.”

I have a client who is a former Marine lieutenant, and he tells me that the Marines are so into their history that, in fact, their superiors may spontaneously call on them to recite Marine Corps history at any time.

All of this got me thinking about the comparison of a career in the Marine Corps vs. a career in print communications sales. This way, if you fail at sales, you can show up at a Marine Recruiting Station and sign on for a $40,000 signing bonus, a free college education and a great pension plan. (I’m making that up about the signing bonus.)

Let’s start with intellect.

Marine Corps—You will complete an IQ test and other exams to measure your brain power. The Marines don’t want any dummies, so you will have to score an IQ of at least 110.

Print Sales—Testing? There’s no IQ exam in print sales. If the job required a high IQ, people that smart wouldn’t be willing to do it. Who’s dumb enough to try to sell printing to buyers who buy on price? Who is so stupid as to face constant rejection? Who could be so slow as to handle constant unreturned phone calls and e-mail messages?

Next, we will examine physical conditioning.

Marine Corps—The Marine recruiter will measure your body fat, and you had better be under 10 percent. Marines do a lot of strenuous exercise, and “tubbies” will never make it. There are “forced” 20-mile marches and endurance obstacle courses. You will be down to about 2 percent body fat before you ever get out of boot camp.

Remember how Gomer Pyle left the Andy Griffith Show and enlisted in the Marines? Gomer was a lean, mean, fighting machine by the time he graduated from boot camp.

The Marine doctors will examine you from head to toe and, if they find so much as a hang nail, you’re disqualified. You are out. You’re history. Unacceptable.

Print Sales—No physical exams in print sales. No, no, no! Print sales is a desk job. If you can walk from your car in the parking lot to your desk, you are in. If you can fit in an office chair behind your desk, then you are qualified. If you can climb up onto a bar stool, you’re good to go.

Next, let’s take a look at ingenuity, creativity and inventiveness.

Marine Corps—The Marines need resourceful people. People who can observe a problem, turn it over in their heads, and deduce a solution. Another former Marine friend of mine told me of a big problem during the Desert Storm war. My friend and 22,000 other Marines were assigned the task of invading Kuwait. They would have to surmount a huge berm that ran the length of the Kuwaiti border, in the dead of night, in the desert, where it is pitch black.

The berm was too steep, and there was the likelihood Marines would be running into one another. The Marines brainstormed the problem. They bulldozed six gaps in the berm and lined the entrances to the gaps with colored garbage cans. Company A knew to follow the red garbage cans, and so on.

That’s Marine ingenuity.

Print Sales—Every printing company in America has deemed itself a “Provider of Solutions.” So, you—the salesperson—must be able to solve your customers’ problems. It’s OK, though. You won’t ever be tested for your problem-solving skills. Just stay wedged in behind your desk, keep your head down and take your orders when they come in.

Now, we’ll take look at courage and heart.

Marine Corps—The Marine recruiter will test you for backbone, spine and courage. Can’t have any Marines running the wrong way. The very definition of a Marine is bravery.

Print Sales—It takes guts to cash your draw check when you have failed to meet your draw for the past nine months. But, heck, you get over it pretty quick. Just keep a low profile and your head down when you see the boss coming.

This Marine Corps thing is too hard to contrast with print sales.

If I were you, I’d try to use a little intellect, get healthy and try some creativity to help some customers with their problems, so you can actually start earning your draw.

You will need a little bravery to leave the office, walk to your car and get out there and sell something!

By the way, creativity just won me $100. My friend bet me that I couldn’t write a column relating the Marine Corps to his new occupation in print sales. PI

—Harris DeWese

About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of “Now Get Out There and Sell Something” and “The Mañana Man, Books II and III,” available through the PI Bookstore at www.piworld.com/bookstore. He is chairman/CEO of Compass Capital Partners and is also an author of the annual “Compass Report,” the definitive source of information regarding printing industry M&A activity. DeWese has completed 141 printing company transactions and is viewed as the industry’s preeminent deal maker. He can be reached via e-mail at HDeWese@CompassCapLtd.com.