Testing Your People Skills--DeWese

All the debates on television between the Republican and Democrat spin masters during the presidential debates and then, subsequently, their endless debates about the debatable election results got me to thinking how far down we Americans have fallen in the graceful and gentle art of conversation.

We Americans have become lousy conversationalists. Even Gore and Bush seemed challenged by this most basic form of human communication.

You would think the two presidential candidates that represent the two major political parties of the greatest country in the world would be master conversationalists—good at attentively listening to an opponent and then responding. Shouldn't they also be our most expert citizens in the skill and art of persuasion?

Persuasiveness is fundamental to a good sales conversation, and it can't be practiced unless the persuader has carefully HEARD the remarks and concerns of the buyer. The President is a salesperson and should be able to persuade the American people to follow his or her lead. The President should also be able to persuade Congress to enact legislation and convince some third-world nation that terrorism directed to the United States is not a good idea.

But, alas, Gore and Bush communicated with the other and with us by employing the "I'll talk, you listen" approach to verbal communication.

I've carried this presidential analogy too long and too far. You got my point after about the first three sentences.

I have written many times that there are only a handful of ways to communicate with customers and prospects. There is the phone (and its obscene cousin, "voice mail"). By the way, I don't want any voice mails, e-mails or faxes telling me, "Oh you hypocrite, Mañana Man, you have voice mail!" I know I have voice mail. I also know that I have an oversized gut and I don't like that either.

Then there are the fax and e-mail. There is also the grossly underused U.S. Postal Service mailed letter. Finally, there is the old fashioned, face-to-face sales call.

Printing salespeople, I hope, know that the best way to persuade buyers is in a "sales" conversation during a face-to-face sales call. And, yet, too many print salespeople are poor conversationalists. I'm convinced that most poor conversationalists are fundamentally insecure. Low self-esteem causes them to talk when they should be listening. When they do listen, they aren't actively listening.

We have a U.S. Constitution that contains the rules for our government. We also have local laws, for instance, that say, "If you drink and drive and we catch you, we are gonna slap you up side the head, put your derriere in jail—and that's after we fine you $5,000 and take away your driver's license."

Well guess what? We also have rules for conversation and we have Emily Post to thank for that. Emily never prescribed any fines or jail terms, but her implication has always been that if you are inconsiderate and uncaring, you are doomed to a lonely and poor existence. Guess what else? Emily Post's rules for conversation are Chapter One, "The Good Conversationalist," in the 75th anniversary edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, now written by Peggy Post.

I'm going to test you on some of Ms. Post's rules. Read each topic and then rate yourself from one (terrible) to five (outstanding). Be honest with yourself. I'm not going to ask you to turn in your grades.

1. "Conversational Boors and Bores"—Are you a conversational bully monopolizing and insisting that you are right? Do you repeat stories about yourself or continually retell your "history" to impress others?

2. "The Condescender"—Do you ever talk down to buyers or talk over their heads to impress them? Or, do you gear your conversation to the buyer without being patronizing?

3. "The Contradictor"—Everyone has the right to express his or her viewpoint, but it must be done without drawing lines in the sand by saying, in effect, "I'm right and you're wrong." Do you begin your assertions with, "I think" or "I believe that this is the case." The printing sales process is fraught with opportunities for conflict—from missed deliveries to excessive dot gain. These customer/supplier disputes must be handled with courtesy and aplomb. Rate yourself on this skill.

4. "Insults"—Do you sometimes insult others, a nationality, political groups or religions? Even telling racial or ethnic jokes is a form of intolerance and has no place on a sales call. How do you score?

5. "The Interrupter"—This is one of the today's most grievous and frequent conversation violations. The only time you should interrupt a customer or a prospect is to tell them, "Your wastebasket is on fire!" Practice at home by not interrupting your spouse or significant other. When you interrupt, you may have just prevented your customer or prospect from giving the ultimate clue to locking up their business. How do you rate yourself?

6. "Ummm, You Know"—We've all heard professional athletes, rock stars and average citizens interviewed on radio and TV. Many of their responses go like this, "You know, um, coach says we got to take it, um, you know, one game, you know, at a time." Do you speak this way?

7. "As the President Was Telling Me the Other Day…"—Most name-droppers and one-uppers believe that if they are associated with important people or big accomplishments, others will be impressed. WRONG! I hope you have banished this from your sales and personal conversations and that you can give yourself a perfect five.

8. "It Took Weeks for the Bleeding to Stop"—No print buyer wants to hear about your surgery, some personal tragedy or even your most recent auto accident. Some salespeople, however, are compelled to tell these horror stories. How do you score?

9. "The Sentence Finisher"—This practice is just another form of interruption. Some buyers either need to pause and take a breath or they are thinking about the end of their sentence. Be polite enough to let them finish. Do you?

10. "I Can't Hear You"—How well do you listen? Socrates taught us not to say "I think," but rather "What do you think?" Do you leave sales calls and say, "I talked no more than 20 percent to 30 percent of the time we spent together?" Do you make good eye contact or do your eyes wander while the buyer is talking?

I hope you all scored 50 points. If you did, you are on your way to fame and fortune in the printing sales game. If you scored less than 35, you need to go out and buy Emily Post's Etiquette, 16th Edition, for $35 and read all her rules in Chapter One. Keep the book with you and refer to it often.

But, read it at night when you aren't out there selling something!

—Harris DeWese

About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something! published by Nonpareil Books. He is a principal at Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry merger and acquisition activity. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies.