The Next Wave of Websites--DeWese

About 247 Silicon Valley smart guys dreamed up some e-commerce Internet sites to sell different stuff to printers and/or print buyers in order to get a lot of money. It really wasn't so much about selling anything. That really didn't matter. It was mainly about getting the money. The smart guys called their schemes "business models." Business model is smart guy terminology.

The smart guys didn't know, however, that printers work hard to come by their money and don't part with it easily. Printers have payrolls due every Friday and the paper companies want their money on time. So most printers walk around worried about "cash flow" because they've got to meet their nut. "Cash flow" is a legitimate accounting term that, for printers, means cash is available to pay the bills and, if you are lucky, there's some left over. "Nut" is another term that means "the minimum cash flow you need to pay all the bills every week or every month." Nut is synonymous with "breakeven."

Back to the Silicon Valley guys.

The smart guys had no money to start a business so they wrote up business plans and took them to venture capitalists who have loads of money. These business plans contained phrases like the aforementioned "business model," "strategic initiative," "market share," "projections" and "metrics management." These high-falutin' documents contained color charts and were bound beautifully. Some of the more enterprising smart guys made their presentations with dancing girls accompanied by live bands. The venture capitalists were impressed and entertained.

The most important job for the smart guys was to sell the venture capitalists on the "projections." The projections predicted how much stuff could be sold to the printers or the print buyers over, say, the next five years. When depicted on charts, the business plan projections for sales and profits were lines headed due north. Each of the plans promised the proposed Internet companies would go public in about two months and the venture capitalists and smart guys would become rich instantly.

Well, the venture capitalists, knowing a good thing when they saw it, wrote big checks to all the smart guys for amounts like $17 million, $22 million and even $58 million. You know—a little seed money to get things started. Getting things started meant redecorating a warehouse in contemporary glass and steel, outfitting elaborate workout facilities, buying every employee his own antique Wurlitzer juke box and getting go-carts for people to race up and down the halls. Why not? They all had stock options and would soon be rich.

You know what happened. The printers and print buyers just didn't cooperate. A lot of the Websites are either shut down or still burning the venture capital money.

If the smart guys had asked their potential customers, they could have saved themselves a lot of embarrassment and grief. I know printers and I know what they need because I talk to them all the time. As such, I've come up with some dotcom e-commerce print sites that sell stuff printers really need.

My ideas will be instantly profitable. Let me run them up your flagpoles and see if you don't do some saluting.

How about www.YourCompetitors AccountList.com? Visit this site, give me your credit card number and you can download all of your rivals' account lists complete with names, phone numbers and print budgets. Remember to always enter your credit card number first, so our attendants can check out your credit line and figure out how much to charge you.

Here's another one that printers need. It's www.YourCompetitors-Estimates.com. This service enables you to access the actual estimates and quotes by your unworthy opposition for jobs that you really need to win in order to "make your nut."

I'm excited about all these business models. I'm gonna have my own Wurlitzer and a go-cart.

By the way, there is a printing sales principle associated with these hijincks. If you've identified it already, then you're excused to Get Out There and Sell Something! But if you'd like to read on just to make sure you got it, then be my guest.

Printers and print salespeople work long hours and are up late. I know; I work late too. Last night I worked past 3:30 a.m. Tonight, thanks to Attila the Editor's unreasonable, stupid little deadline fetish, it's 1:20 a.m. and I'm still writing. Folks who work late get a little hungry—and deciding on a midnight snack is tough. I open the refrigerator and stare for five minutes before I can choose between linguini with white clam sauce or a bag of Fritos.

Here's my e-commerce solution for printers. It's called www.Suggesta-MidnightSnack.com. This Website features more than 11,000 midnight snacks that I, your beloved Mañana Man, have personally eaten during my 58 years. This Website can also be useful when you have customers in the plant for late-night press checks. Don't forget to have your credit card handy when you dial in.

Sometimes coming up with some dirt on your competitors can be tricky. You don't have big dirt digging departments like the Democrats and Republicans. Yep, it's www.CompetitorSkeletonsintheCloset.com.

This handy Website contains a database of all your competitors' misdeeds, both real and rumored. Information from this site will enable your salespeople to say things to prospects like, "That's interesting that you use Grunge Litho. You are a very forgiving person. Besides, those axe murder rumors about Carl Grunge are still under investigation by the Grand Jury."

Here's one more winner. If the smart guys had asked any of us, they would have learned that printers are always looking for good salespeople. This Website is www.CompetitorsBestSalesperson.com. You can boot up the names and home phone numbers of your competitors' best salespeople. Our database includes past five years sales, commissions paid and key accounts.

If you still don't get it, then I'll just have to tell you the principle. It is . . .

Always, always, ask the customers what they want. Ask them how they want it. Inquire about when they want it. And never stop asking, because they are human and can change their minds. When you start with what the customer wants, you can work backwards to a solution that you can provide. This approach is very different than telling them what you've got and then asking them if they need any.

By the way, these Websites are only open from 7 p.m. until 7 a.m. No need to be open from 7 a.m. until 7 p.m. because, of course, you're out there selling something!

—Harris DeWese

About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something! published by Nonpareil Books. He is a principal at Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry merger and acquisition activity. DeWese specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies.