Waiting on 383 Sales Tips --DeWese

Or, maybe they're gonna strip all the buttons off my jacket and drum me out of their writers' corp. I can see myself limping out of the restaurant with the patrons jeering a broken and forlorn old column writer.

You'd think they would be grateful for my 20 years of faithful service writing these columns. Typing these things while wearing these silly mittens isn't easy, you know. Sometimes it takes me two, three hours to make up this stuff.