NAPL

SOUTHWEST Airlines, in a daring parody on the current Major League Baseball steroid scandal, is running a series of television commercials featuring Nick Pudder, the winner of the Annual Productivity Award: APA ’07. Nick’s fellow office workers are resentful of his special parking spot, his private corner office, his much greater compensation and the boss’ recognition.

Nick is so productive that his dysfunctional non-believer co-workers accuse him of taking “productivity enhancers.” It’s obviously some mysterious potion that is a “steroid for the brain.”

Southwest, naturally, uses Nick’s productivity story on their Website at www.southwest.com . Go there, and you can watch the video, which is funnier

Holiday Fundraiser Deemed a Success RANDOM LAKE, WI—The Times Wellness Committee at Times Printing organized a poinsettia sale and used all of the proceeds to purchase holiday presents for families/children within the community that use the local food pantry as a resource. In addition, the company donated $500, and many employees made additional generous contributions. The fundraiser was such a success, that every child got an outfit, one toy (some children received two) and accessories, such as socksand shoes. Pictorial Hosts ‘Lunch & Learn’ Event CARLSTADT, NJ—Pictorial Offset partnered with Print Buyers Online.com and Pantone Inc. to host a free “Lunch

SEWICKLEY, PA—January 10, 2008— Ken Field Sr., president and chief executive officer of Continental Web Press, Inc., has been named the recipient of the Web Offset Association’s (WOA) tenth annual Harry V. Quadracci VISION Award…for leadership, achievement, and visionary excellence in web offset printing. The Harry V. Quadracci VISION Award is conferred to a web offset industry executive who has reached an unsurpassed level of excellence and achievement in the industry. WOA created the award to highlight the spirit of industry pioneers, whose hard work and determination create a vibrant, growing, and changing industry. In 1973, Field founded Continental Web Press of Illinois, a

WASHINGTON, DC—January 8, 2008—The Print Council, a national business development initiative created to help promote greater use of printing and print media, today announced that GLS Companies and The Hickory Printing Group have recently joined the organization. As new members, the companies will work in concert with other member companies of The Print Council on initiatives to help develop, maintain and expand the market for printed materials. Members of The Print Council include commercial printers, paper manufacturers, press, ink and equipment manufacturers, publishers, industry associations, ad agencies, and public relations firms. Through advertising and speaking engagements, The Print Council is a visible and leading

I HEAR from a lot of print sales professionals. The calls are from underachievers, overachievers and the mediocre folks in the middle.

The underachievers and the mediocre achievers want to become overachievers. Lately, I’m getting e-mail and phone calls from overachievers who seek an escape to mediocrity. They say overachievement is too much pressure. I’ll explain.

Overachievers are in the top tax bracket. The sons and daughters of overachievers want new cars, the latest fashions, monogrammed iPods and their own credit cards. Their spouses want club memberships, BMWs and million-dollar-plus homes.

The overachievers’ bosses are forever demanding more, more, more! The bosses lean on the

Open House Offers Cash Grab CHATSWORTH, CA—Impress Communications recently hosted an open house at its new facility here, which included a drawing to participate in a $50K Cash Grab Money Booth. Winners of the drawing had a chance to “test their skills” and grab as many airborne bills as they could in 15 seconds. Snatching cash was the perfect way to cap off the open house, which featured a variety of presentations, including: Web 2.0—The Current Era of the Web, Lighting for Digital Photography, Going Green/FSC Certification and Beyond, Single Message Marketing Strategies, and Specialty Printing Techniques. The staff at Impress offered Komori

BREAKFAST IS a ritualistic celebration for me. It must consist of complementary foods—eggs and bacon, eggs and sausage. It should include some grits or fried potatoes. And fruit; I prefer mixed berries or melon, but not mixed melon—just honeydew or just cantaloupe. There must be orange juice and strong, dark roast coffee. I usually make two pieces of toast and butter with thick slices of country white bread.

The food is almost always perfect because I cook for myself. I am one of America’s great egg cooks. I’m talkin’ about fried over, sunny side up, scrambled, poached, soft boiled and omelettes of all persuasions.

I sit

BLOODY MARY, Bloody Mary, Blood. . .Wait, does the curse still hold if one simply writes her name three times? Economists seem to have developed their own urban legend about the “R” word. There’s a fear that simply saying the word “recession” out loud will be enough to cause one to happen. In a sense, though, that may be true. Consumer spending has been a big part of what’s kept the United States economy going as well as it has been. How people feel about their personal situations today and their prospects in the near term—or consumer confidence—has a strong bearing on their willingness

A MOB OF about 15 printing company owners swept in, unimpeded, whilst I was taking a short nap. I had worked 21 hours (my typical work day) without eating or sleeping, and was only dozing for a few hours. They moved with swift execution. Obviously, they were well-prepared.

They looked professional in their matching black stocking caps, camouflage fatigues and glistening new combat boots. They had corporate sponsorship and wore patches advertising their benefactor’s logo.

Horribly, my spouse, Attila the Nun, was an accomplice to this vicious conspiracy. She was in on the planning and, in fact, served as a lookout who stood the door while

MY LAME anxiety about the time remaining on my 65-year-old actuarial table got some welcome news this week. I had checked the U.S. government mortality tables for males age 65 and learned that I’ve got another 16.3 years. I’m gonna raise some kind of hell during that .3.

Then I had a big longevity breakthrough! First, researchers announced that people who laugh frequently live seven years more than folks who rarely manage a smile.

Whew!

Good news for me! I’m a laughing fool. Constantly. In the car. In the tub. In the shower.

Mine is a rumbling, belly-shaking laugh that begins deep somewhere down around my pancreas and